I imagined that my husband would instinctively know all my needs and be quick and joyful to meet them. He would demonstrate towards me that “servant-leader” heart, placing me on a pedestal to love and serve even to the death of himself. Life was going to be good…for ME.
What I quickly learned instead, was that even when I flat out told him my desires, he was simply not always able or willing to fulfill them. Rather, he had qualities about him that made him an excellent husband that I took for granted. God knew what He was doing when He brought us together. Guy was exactly what I needed to not only refine me, but for me to learn what true love is.
I wasn’t going to learn about true love by simply sitting back and receiving. I was going to learn what true love was by living it out in my own heart towards him.
This is where the ME FIRST attitude comes in.
Love is supposed to be sacrificial, right? Putting the other person first, right? Dying to self, right? Right. So being ME FIRST-minded is exactly what we must do for true Biblical love to bloom in our marriages.
When a disagreement happens. Be first. Be the first to sincerely apologize.
When you hurt each others feelings. Be first. Be the first to go back and affirm him.
When you are sad because your expectations were not met.Be first. Be the first to spend time with God and rearrange those expectations then go and make it right with him.
When you want him to be the example of leading your family in an evening prayer. Be first. Pray with your family without feeling resentful that it was your idea.
When you both have had a long and grueling day. Be first. Be the one to keep going a little bit longer at your own expense so that he can breathe when he gets home from work.
When you want him to plan all the romantic details of a date. Be first. Make a plan with him in mind from a loving and generous heart towards his desires.
When you asked him to do a certain task around the house and it’s still not done. Be first. Surprise yourself with your knack and ability to attempt it on your own out of a desire to serve him.
The list could go on and on. It’s not about a selfish me first attitude. It’s about being "me first" in order to make things right, to lovingly and sincerely serve your husband and family, and to honor God by doing so.
Resentment so easily takes up residence in our hearts when we examine our marriages, but it doesn't have to. If our hearts are Christ's home, then we can usher out the bitterness by the power of the Holy Spirit-willing to yield our lives to Him as an act of worship.
Fill up on the Word of God and follow Jesus' example. The moment you begin to feel the heat rise, the first twinge of guilt, or see the wave of conflict begin to overtake you, remember that you can be first. Every. Time. That’s what God did for us.
Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” THAT is the ultimate ME FIRST attitude, and the foundation for a marriage that will last. I do believe that God wants us to delight in our spouses, and the couples that put one another's needs before their own enjoy a circle of mutual love and affection that is far more satisfying than we could ever imagine.
YOUR TURN! How can you begin to cultivate a “Me First” attitude while you are still single? What insight do you have to make a marriage thrive?