Last night, I should have gone on a run. Instead, I kicked a small hole in the wall with my high heel.
How’s that for a woman who leads a group of nearly 10,000 women who struggle with anger?
It has been a heavy week.
News of a beautiful 15-year-old we knew from church and who had just recently taught a ballet lesson to my preschooler, had a massive heart attack out of the blue and has been determined to be brain dead. Her parents are making the unthinkable decision to take her off of life support after her 4 siblings have a chance to visit her.
Another mom asked me to pray for her friend whose 4-year-old drowned in their pool on Sunday. I have a 4-year-old. It’s too close to home....
My husband and I are right smack dab in the thick of a couple floundering in brokenness that threatens to tear apart what God has joined together. I feel at a loss to know how to wade through their pain with them.
And to top it off, my own kids had an epic day of rebellion and strife from sun up to blessed sun down.
For good measure, I heard back from 2 businesses that have the power to make or break my long and hard-fought for dreams. They chose the latter.
And then one of Satan’s favorite vehicles for discouragement in my life, called me up and threw in some good ole’ persecution about my faith and ability as a mom, just for good measure.
So I kicked a gorgeous purple-suede-Steve Madden-3-inch-high-heel hole in the wall.
You don’t have to say it.
I have been beating myself up already over that one because guilt and questioning my spiritual tenacity is what I need at a time like this. Sometimes, I’m my own worst enemy.
There are times when we go through trials and we respond like this amazing woman whose husband has spent the past year in the hospital-choosing to see the blessings in every difficult situation. I wish I had reacted like her…..it's all about gratitude, isn't it?
But I didn’t. There are moments when we simply don’t do the right thing. Think the good thoughts. Say the best words.
Or go for a run.
Sometimes, we kick a hole in the wall instead.
To be honest, I didn’t want to listen to what God might have to say to me this morning. I was a reluctant and pouty daughter. But the truth is, when you belong to Jesus there’s nothing you can do to be separated from His love.
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. Romans 8:31-39 (The Message)
You see, our enemy, Satan, wants us to believe that God doesn’t really love us. He wants us to crumple when tragedy strikes and waffle when burdens mount. And he loves to play guilt trips with our heads when we want to take a vacation from being the Christians we are called to be.
But God, does not.
He lets us strike out 70 times 7 and every time we step up to the plate again, He believes that we can knock it out of the park. And even when we want to simply cast aside the Christ-follower uniform because it feels too uncomfortable, He never removes our names from His roster.
Is there a chance that I’m not the only one who didn’t perform up to par this week? This month? Maybe this season of life?
God is graciously reminding me that His love for me is not dependant on anything I do, or don’t do. He loves me when I respond with loving-kindness and He loves me when I react in the flesh. And it’s that reckless loving-kindness that draws me to repentance every time.
The hole that was in my thinking is reflected in the hole in my wall.
Later today, I’ll patch it with mortar and cover the offense with paint. I’ll have to get down on my knees and do the work of making whole again what is broken. But there’s nothing more to do with my heart. It was made whole the day I gave it back to Jesus Christ so long ago. Love covers a multitude of sins, indeed.
So today, I’m dusting the dry wall off and sliding my feet back into my high-heels to run the race set before me and I know I’ll win because the victory is His. Even when I lose focus at times and forget my role in the big picture, I know how the story ends and that Jesus shares His prize with me…. and with you.
Tie your laces and meet me at the starting line, friends. We’ve got some running yet to do.
YOUR TURN! Is your race filled with land mines and you want to veer off track too? Let me know how I can pray for you!